a quiet bubble floating on a sea of noise

my childhood. my dholi. those unforgettable memories with forgettable people. seriously! where are those people now? where are those "family friends" now? why do we keep ourselves so much disconnected. with those people,  there's a portion of my innocence and my old days.. good old days. God. how much do I miss that place. more than anyone. those Govt quarters, trees,flowers, house lawns, balcony, hanging plants from windows, cute gardens in every one's campus. it was like a big flowery, green home. and that bridge, small bridge near college lake. why do i keep going back, everyday, every moment. the bus which passes through Paashan.. and this place reminds me so much of dholi. obviously its much smaller than my dholi but those govt buildings, quiet roads surrounded by trees and wilderness. its like missing a lover lol. this is me. getting emotionally wasted over my place of birth. i want to re live those days so badly. if only I had someone with whom i can talk ...

It's good that I'm trying. It's good that I'm trying to get rid of self doubt. It is good. Appreciate it,

everyone's hustling. or maybe i choose to see the hustle because that is the bringer of success and money from what i see. wake up early, go to workplace, keep working till the end of day, get completely exhausted then return home, eat, sleep and repeat! no matter how frightening this sounds but this is the reality. people glorify this lifestyle. this is something which gives the youngsters complete validation.  so my current situation which has been pretty much persistent throughout my life is not quite compatible with this glorification.

I don't remember myself craving for 'nice' things when I was a child, but I do remember my whims to travel someplace, to try something new, to see something which I haven't seen ever... to see people from different countries, their lifestyle, their food... I do remember myself being extra protecting for small small things which I owned, like my stationery, my toys, clothes.. I still have my comb which is more than 15 years old.  When I moved to a developed city, I started having this desire to own all the expensive clothes, I wasted my father's hard earned money in buying useless clothes; this lasted for 3 years.... until I actually realized what all this was about. By owning certain number of or certain quality of  items, I tried to feel the sense of ownership of something without actually realizing that all this had been bought from someone else's money, not mine. Even though I had bought from my own money, why did I depend on tangible things? It's...