Nostalgia is an escape

my childhood. my dholi. those unforgettable memories with forgettable people.
seriously! where are those people now? where are those "family friends" now? why do we keep ourselves so much disconnected.
with those people,  there's a portion of my innocence and my old days.. good old days. God. how much do I miss that place. more than anyone.
those Govt quarters, trees,flowers, house lawns, balcony, hanging plants from windows, cute gardens in every one's campus. it was like a big flowery, green home. and that bridge, small bridge near college lake. why do i keep going back, everyday, every moment. the bus which passes through Paashan.. and this place reminds me so much of dholi. obviously its much smaller than my dholi but those govt buildings, quiet roads surrounded by trees and wilderness.
its like missing a lover lol. this is me. getting emotionally wasted over my place of birth. i want to re live those days so badly. if only I had someone with whom i can talk about those days .. my sister does remember so much about dholi.. but i wish i had contact with some childhood 'friends' .
to escape my monotony, i keep escaping.
today i was just about to reach uni bus stop, as usual, i was feeling too low to start my day in that place, just wanted to escape and so i did. i escaped. got down from that bus, crossed that bloody road and boarded on the bus to return. it was like i have got rid of some clot or congestion from my mind and body; a feeling of supreme freedom. oh my god i don't know if i have ever felt that way. it was like running free from jail. that sudden wave of energy and JOSH lol.
its quite clear that im  not into this research stuff. this thesis project. if i can get this terminated somehow without affecting my degree .. somehow i dont know how do people do that.. but i have one source. still im going to try my best.
i will keep waking up like a zombie, feeling sorry for myself to start my day for something which i dont ever feel connected to.  and i dontknow how am i going to keep this going.
also iwant to get rid of this complaining.

there is something which relaxes me though. even after having so much stress,anxiety,uncertainity i have somehow managed to keep myself together which is good. atleast i should appreciate this.
at the end of the day... i'm just a quiet bubble floating on a sea of noise!

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