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Nostalgia is an escape

my childhood. my dholi. those unforgettable memories with forgettable people. seriously! where are those people now? where are those "family friends" now? why do we keep ourselves so much disconnected. with those people,  there's a portion of my innocence and my old days.. good old days. God. how much do I miss that place. more than anyone. those Govt quarters, trees,flowers, house lawns, balcony, hanging plants from windows, cute gardens in every one's campus. it was like a big flowery, green home. and that bridge, small bridge near college lake. why do i keep going back, everyday, every moment. the bus which passes through Paashan.. and this place reminds me so much of dholi. obviously its much smaller than my dholi but those govt buildings, quiet roads surrounded by trees and wilderness. its like missing a lover lol. this is me. getting emotionally wasted over my place of birth. i want to re live those days so badly. if only I had someone with whom i can talk ...
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Infinity of Unawareness!

It's good that I'm trying. It's good that I'm trying to get rid of self doubt. It is good. Appreciate it,
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Say No to Rat Race

everyone's hustling. or maybe i choose to see the hustle because that is the bringer of success and money from what i see. wake up early, go to workplace, keep working till the end of day, get completely exhausted then return home, eat, sleep and repeat! no matter how frightening this sounds but this is the reality. people glorify this lifestyle. this is something which gives the youngsters complete validation.  so my current situation which has been pretty much persistent throughout my life is not quite compatible with this glorification.
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Conflicts in my thoughts

I don't remember myself craving for 'nice' things when I was a child, but I do remember my whims to travel someplace, to try something new, to see something which I haven't seen ever... to see people from different countries, their lifestyle, their food... I do remember myself being extra protecting for small small things which I owned, like my stationery, my toys, clothes.. I still have my comb which is more than 15 years old.  When I moved to a developed city, I started having this desire to own all the expensive clothes, I wasted my father's hard earned money in buying useless clothes; this lasted for 3 years.... until I actually realized what all this was about. By owning certain number of or certain quality of  items, I tried to feel the sense of ownership of something without actually realizing that all this had been bought from someone else's money, not mine. Even though I had bought from my own money, why did I depend on tangible things? It's...
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Drifting Away...

Since our childhood, we are taught to study hard,get good grades and a good job. If I remember correctly,every adult used to say ,"work hard till your high school,get yourself in a good university and you won't need to study hard after that"...when we reach university, we are asked to work hard to get a high paying job and then we'll be settled. What if we don't want to settle ever...? This idea of systematic progress is in itself the most regressive thing I've experienced. At this point in my life, my mind and body are rejecting every single thought related to this "stable life with stable job crap" because I don't find myself  naturally inclined to this process. Even after being a 'good student' throughout my academics, I can clearly see..feel the uselessness of rubbish which I was made to go through all these years.Instead of cramming chapters about things which I would never actually use in my life, why I was not taught to love a...
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Uncertainty Surrounds Me

"A quiet bubble floating on a sea of noise"... I read this line in a book called "The God of Small Things". Despite my inability to express feelings through words, I've always tried to keep good words from good books in my company. Books have actually rescued me many times from difficult situations.  And this is what I think of myself; a quiet bubble... who is struggling since forever to get used to this noisy world. Thanks Arundhati Roy for this beautifully written book. If I had kept myself away from self- doubts and overthinking, I would have started writing years ago; without even thinking about my "writing skills". This bubble is actually going to burst any time... this tiny little bubble is carrying such a heavy burden since its birth... it's time bubble gets rid of that. Because life is short and fragile, and even a tiny,vulnerable bubble like me deserves relief and happiness. Take a deep breath.....
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